I was recently hosting a play date for my 4 year old son and one of his best buddies from preschool. The play date went great and they played very well together. The entire time, though, my son's friend was calling me "Meg". "Meg this", "Meg that". And he would also use that when he was talking about me to my son: "Meg is not going to like you doing that...."
When I grew up, I don't recall using the first names for my teachers, parents of friends, or really any adults for that matter. It was always considered good manners to call them "Mr. Smith" or "Ms. Hansen" or "Dr. Meecham". If I saw my old teachers today, I probably still would call them by these proper names!
When did the trend start to call everyone by their first name? It seems like most kids do that these days. I'm trying to pinpoint why exactly this bothers me ever-so-slightly. I think it might be because it's just too casual. I think it's important that children understand who their superiors are, who is in charge in a given situation, and frankly, who has had more life experience. I think addressing adults with a title and surname helps them see these lines.
Using such "proper talk" is a sign of respect, too. Now, plenty of children could use these titles, yet still be disrespectful. But I think for most, it makes them much more aware of being respectful by addressing those in a leadership role.
I'd love to hear your thoughts. Do you make sure your children use "Mr." and "Mrs."? Does it matter to you? Do you even have an opinion either way? Is it really that important?
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I'm with you, things are getting way too casual and...cool. Call me old school but yes, Ms., Mrs. and Mr. are very important to me and my daughter's education.
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DeleteI'm trying to think of what my kids' friends call me, and I'm thinking not one has ever called me Rose. I do have a close friend w/a child the same age as my daughter, and he calls me Rose because he hears his mom doing it all of the time, but that one doesn't bother me (we see them only a couple of times a year because we live in different states).
ReplyDeleteI do think there's a place for respect though, and the titles do help.
You know, I still struggle with what to call people in my grandparent's generation. I've made some friends in this age group, and it just feels a bit awkward to use their first names. My daughter is almost 4, and I teach her to use titles with adults, even if it's just "Ms. Jessie" for a close friend of mine, because that's what my friend prefers.
ReplyDeleteI totally know what you mean. I teach my son call people Miss. Andrea for instance, then your not making people feel old but at the same time teaching him to be respectful. It's hard because it's up the parent at the end of the day.
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I am so with you on this and would rather be called Mrs. and not by my first name. I am not sure when things got so casual, but I do miss the days when it this wasn't so.
ReplyDeleteI was taught to respect my elders and always called them Mr. Mrs. Ms. I even do now as an adult.
ReplyDeleteI taught my children to do the same.
However, now that I am older, I have people say, please use my first name. (btw-my Dad always preferred you call him by his given name)
My children's friends used to call me Mrs. Such and Such but I always told them it was ok to call me by my first name. They still to this day respect me as someone older than them.
I also had students call me by my first name but not in the accompany of other adults. They never did either.
I think as long as you expect to be respected, it does not matter what name you go by.
I would agree, Naila. Especially if a relationship grows and the adult states they would prefer the "first name basis", then I think that is absolutely okay.
DeleteIt's funny, my husband and his 2 best friends he grew up with and went through high school are still all close and close with my husband's parents. At this point, they obviously say "oh just call me Dennis". Yet they still use "Mr.". ;) And this is 20 odd years later.
I don't think it really matters to me. Never thought much about it until now!
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I know, I never thought much about it until I started hearing little voices say my name....
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It bothers me a little bit but I feel kind of weird when people call me Mrs. too...I think maybe Mrs. and then your first name (like for me Mrs. Risa) is a happy medium. But yes I do think kids calling adults by their first names is a little too casual. Maybe that's why kids don't seem to respect adults as much in general these days.
ReplyDeleteWhat's tough for me with the "Mrs." is that with my last name added, I say to myself "That's my husband's Mom" or "That's my husband's Grandma"! But since my children are young, it's been awhile since I've been in school settings around young children where hearing those titles is more common.
DeleteYes,my son's preschool teacher prefers "Ms. Tracey" and I am ok with that.
ReplyDeleteI don't mind it they call me Kim but most of my girls friends call me Katelyn's mom or Lizzy's mom but there are 2 girls that always call me Mrs Kim
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with you, respect is lost when kids don't address adults in the proper way. I have long always agreed that kids should always do this as I did, so I have taught my children. Thankful that my friends and Church Family agree also. We aren't as formal as with last names, but they do call me Ms. Corey when they talk with me as, so do my children either say Ms or Mr. I think its a great way to grow up and know that they should respect their Elders. Stop by from the Smile with us on Mondays Blog Hop- www.coreycreativecorner.blogspot.com
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DeleteI personally would feel old if someone even a kid calls me Mrs so I don't teach my kids to call my friends by Mrs or Mr but thats just me. However with authority figures, teachers, or coaches I do encourage them to say Mrs and Mr and to also use sir and maam...
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I prefer that our children use Mr and Ms/Mrs with adults. It is respectful and courteous. I will correct young adults and children also. I do not mind being called Emma/Dylan/Owen's Dad. That is actually pretty cool.
ReplyDeleteWith close friends of ours like my best friends from HS or My wife's friends from HS as Aunt or Uncle. That is a little less formal than Mr/Ms and a little more than the casual 1st name.
Well stated hon!
DeleteI have always taught my kids to address other adults as Mr./Mrs./Ms. but ironically I always ask their friends to call me by my first name. I didn't change my name when we married so it feels weird for kids to call me Mrs. and my husband's last name because it's not my name and when they were younger it seemed too complicated to try to explain to their friends that my name was different.
ReplyDeleteWell, I suppose that is a unique situation! But I have a few friends who have not changed their names. I should ask them what their preference is?
DeleteI work in child care, and as a "counselors" (and not teacher or parent) I usually ask the kids to call me "Miss Becca". Most of my coworkers do the same (except the older ones and those who are also teachers). This allows them to show me respect, but still remain casual, and maybe even make them feel more comfortable when it comes to confiding in me. I think that this will carry over when I introduce myself to my future children's friends and my friend's kids.
ReplyDeleteThis is regional! I live in an area that draws people from all over, and people who grew up in more casual areas of the country never gave a second thought to being called by their first names. People from more formal areas are not comfortable with that. The compromise my circle has arrived at means that I am addressed as "Miss Meghan" by legions of little people... except a couple who call me Mommy. The local preschools all follow this convention as well, so the kids don't find it at all strange.
ReplyDeleteI always expect my children to address adults as Mr / Mrs unless invited do use their first name. Learning to show respect is an essential part of growing up.
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