My Son Called Me Mean

By Meg Hodson

You hear people say it often...."I want my kids to like me....". Well, the obvious answer to this is "yes", of course you want your children to like you. But then they freak out, they spill their milk, they write on the wall, they do something crazy that makes you INSANE. You, as a parent, are put in a position to discipline, reprimand, instruct. Sometimes this is an easy process, sometimes not. 

If your kids listen and respond quickly, great; guidance given and you move on. But we all know in reality that happens about 2% of the time. The other 98% involves varying levels of loudness and tone in your voice, intensifying levels of you pulling your hair, all possibly leading to you, as a parent, losing it. 

If you're a parent, ANY parent, you've been there, done that. We raise our voices, we yell, we stomp our feet. Well, this was me recently with my youngest son, age 7. He's a boy, he has an older brother, and they often end in knock down throw downs or some other sort of mischief. They are boys. I get that. But sometimes it is taken too far and intervention is necessary. 

I had to resort to raising my voice recently. It's not that I wanted to, in my heart of hearts I felt I needed to. And then my youngest, my sweet boy who still snuggles with me every night (not all night mind you, just a few hours) uttered these words--you're mean. I hated hearing it. You're mean. It wasn't like him at all. He is constantly giving me hugs and is polite and says "thank you" for everything. But in this moment, he even stormed off for a bit. I wasn't feeling guilty, yet I still felt off. 

And that feeling has stuck with me the two months or so it has taken me to write this post. I was compelled to finish this post tonight. One thing I have learned as a parent is that kids thrive on structure---whether that is sleeping in the same bed every night, sticking to a schedule, or having boundaries, structure is healthy. So, I viewed this reprimanding as part of that structure. Although my son stormed off and we might have both hated that moment in time, we are better for it now. 

How do I know? He still comes in and snuggles every night and tells me how much he loves me.

.

The Playground: Celebrating Lasts

By Meg Hodson

We celebrate a lot of firsts in life, as we should. The first time your kids walk, your first big job, the first time you tried something new. It's not quite as common as celebrating lasts. In fact, I don't think people in general recognize lasts too often. But I find myself doing this more with young children.

My youngest is 6 years old, so I find myself nudging him ever so gently to still enjoy things that will soon fade away. We were recently at the county fair and all three of my children are tall enough (and game enough!) to ride all the "big rides". I was still able to talk my youngest into riding some of the kiddie rides and his older brother joined in on the fun, too. 

I paused and had similar thoughts when I was at the playground recently with the kids. They all still enjoy a good playground trip, but I know the day is coming when merry-go-rounds and monkey bars will be a fleeting memory. It will be a "last". 

And I look forward to those "firsts" to quickly follow. 

If you like what you're reading, I invite you to follow my blog.  Cheers!

Dare To Parent

By Meg Hodson

I was recently at a playground with my three children. They were having a great time. They were having fun with one particularly long tube slide. Unfortunately, a very tall 13 year old decided it would be cool to stand on top of the tube slide, jump up and down, essentially creating large indents in the slide. It made it somewhat dangerous for kids to thus slide down the tube. The kid wouldn't let up and I didn't see a parent claiming the kid close-by, so I decided to speak up.

I spoke up and told the child that he shouldn't be jumping on the slide and that kids couldn't slide while he was doing that. He ignored me. I then came back with an idle threat: "I'll call someone if you don't get down." (Well, I could always call my husband, the mayor, right?) He eventually got down, after some serious stare downs. 

It was obvious that he didn't have much discipline in his life, nor was he used to adults telling him what to do. I noticed that he was at a nearby table, now speaking to what appeared to be his mother. And later, he asked my daughter who exactly I was going to call! I guess what I was saying did sink in.....a little. 

It made me start to think about why kids misbehave or make bad decisions. I know kids will stumble in life, even with attentive parents. But I also know there is a line. My kids would not have gotten on top of that slide, jumping up and down as kids tried to slide down. 

It begs the question.....are we afraid to parent? Unfortunately, I think a lot of parents want to be friends with their children, not discipline too much, be the "nice guy". But in my experience, being a disciplining parent makes me the cool parent! How? They're generally well-behaved and not being sent to the principals' office. I mean, who wants to be sent to the principals' office?

But let's be honest....it SUCKS to be the bad guy! It's no fun any way you slice it. But you're the adult; you know what's right and wrong; you have deserved the right to say "no" to your children. 

Sometimes it's an easy task, sometimes not so much. But deep down you know it is necessary. 

I thought this blog post might be long-winded. I thought I might find the need to go on and on about how you need to be able to say "no" to your kids. And voila, it's as simple as that: know when to say no and just do it!

Although I am not stating that all behavior of children is a direct reflection of their parents, it's definitely a predominant factor. Modeling good manners, proper behavior, being polite, being respectful MAKES A DIFFERENCE! Our children are little sponges, soaking up what we have to say. Make it matter. Make it count.

Why Is Candy The Reward?

I'm noticing a trend lately at my children's grade school, and it really shouldn't come as a big shock really.  Candy is being used as an incentive and reward!

This week in particular, my daughter has walked out of school almost everyday, chomping on some sort of candy or fruit roll-up or something similar.  I ask, "What Are You Eating?" and she quickly replies candy.  "Why Do You Have Candy?" The answer is that it is a reward for work.  I seek clarification if everyone is getting a "reward" for finishing their work. She states it's just for students that get their projects and work done ahead of schedule.  

I was glad to hear this.  I get a little bothered by rewards given for work that is expected and a necessary part of school (or any other endeavor for that matter).  For example, teachers that give out rewards for turning in your homework is a disturbing trend.  To me, a reward is for something that goes up and beyond the normal expectation.

So, I have no issue with my daughter's teacher giving out a prize for something that does go up and beyond.  My issue is with the prize.  Why are we always using food as a reward?  I truly believe this develops a relationship with food that is based too much on rules and expectations.  Food should be nourishment and the occasional treat.  That's not to say a celebratory meal out is not worthwhile.  I believe the issue becomes amplified when it is direct cause and effect, like in my daughter's case.  I don't want candy to be misunderstood as something good for you when it's used as an award for good work.

Furthermore, why is it always candy? I am attentive to the amount of sugar that my children intake.  Cookies & candy are for special occasions.  There are plenty of other options that are inexpensive, worthwhile prizes for students.  What about pencils? A small notepad? Stickers?  Candy comes and goes, but something my daughter might have for a little longer will remind her of her reward and the good job that she did.  

If you like what you're reading, I invite you to follow my blog.  Cheers!
Follow @happykidsinc Meg on Pinterest!

Call Me......Mrs?

I was recently hosting a play date for my 4 year old son and one of his best buddies from preschool.  The play date went great and they played very well together.  The entire time, though, my son's friend was calling me "Meg".  "Meg this", "Meg that".  And he would also use that when he was talking about me to my son: "Meg is not going to like you doing that...."

When I grew up, I don't recall using the first names for my teachers, parents of friends, or really any adults for that matter.  It was always considered good manners to call them "Mr. Smith" or "Ms. Hansen" or "Dr. Meecham".  If I saw my old teachers today, I probably still would call them by these proper names!  

When did the trend start to call everyone by their first name?  It seems like most kids do that these days.  I'm trying to pinpoint why exactly this bothers me ever-so-slightly.  I think it might be because it's just too casual.  I think it's important that children understand who their superiors are, who is in charge in a given situation, and frankly, who has had more life experience.  I think addressing adults with a title and surname helps them see these lines.  

Using such "proper talk" is a sign of respect, too.  Now, plenty of children could use these titles, yet still be disrespectful.  But I think for most, it makes them much more aware of being respectful by addressing those in a leadership role.

I'd love to hear your thoughts. Do you make sure your children use "Mr." and "Mrs."? Does it matter to you? Do you even have an opinion either way?  Is it really that important?

If you like what you're reading, I invite you to follow my blog.  Cheers!
Follow @happykidsinc Meg on Pinterest!